We Never Outgrow Hardships
Sometimes our lives are going along in a seemingly positive and enjoyable fashion when those tiny hints the universe had been sending, that all was not as it seemed, finally collided and, what was our life, explodes in apocalyptical fashion. In these trajectory altering moments, it is common to experience a multitude of emotions, intrusive thoughts and self-doubt.
I don’t think we would be human if these reactions were not part of our initial response. I also know that sitting with these thoughts and emotions is necessary. We cannot be truly honest and introspective without examining these reactions. We must face them, acknowledge them, and seek understanding as to what these events and subsequent thoughts and emotions have to teach us about ourselves, the world around us and the steps we must take next in life.
If we attempt to deny and ignore all that we are undergoing because of life’s implosion, we will likely never properly heal from or learn from the experience. Instead, we could be doomed to repeat similar patterns in our life and most importantly, we perpetuate our own unhappiness. Still, knowing this is not as easy as putting in the work to grow and learn from our experiences.
Growth in any fashion is rarely easy, and when we are in pain it is not a minor task to separate ourselves from that pain and look at it objectively. To examine our choices and thought patterns that contributed to bringing us to this moment can be challenging and at times painful. This becomes even more difficult when our heartache and altered reality are not directly a result of choices, we ourselves make but actions taken by others which have a disorienting effect on us. Be it a spouse, parent, child or even a friend or stranger, the actions and choices of others can have a profound impact on our lives and drastically change the make-up and course of life.
When this happens, anger is a common emotion and in fact it can often overshadow and hinder our acknowledgement of our other responses. In life we place our trust, faith and love in select individuals whom we believe equally hold us in love and respect as well yet at times decisions they make leave us questioning whether every utterance of love, every embrace and dream for the future was part of some elaborate manipulation. We can find ourselves wondering if our loved one regularly laughed at our expense for our gullibility or at how masterfully they engaged our heart and affections.
These intrusive thoughts, however, will never bring us the peace or answers that we are ultimately seeking in moments like this. One of the hardest things to accept during occasions such as these, is that we will likely never have answers or closure surrounding the “why” of their actions. The sad truth is that unless that individual does some difficult work as well, they too may never actually know the answer to that question. Instead, we must find a way to accept that their “why” is immaterial. We must focus solely on our own “what next?”.
We must proceed forward accountable only to our own happiness and healing. We must determine if we will allow these experiences to harden and embitter us or if we will accept the learning opportunities the universe has placed before us and become even better versions of ourselves in return. Whether the upheaval is our own doing or the result of someone’s disregard, each experience can be a foundational step towards reaching our fullest potential. The key is in our mindset. Will we allow this setback, personal tragedy, devasting betrayal or foolish mistake handicap our future happiness or will we use these trials as transformative ordeals in the course of our own hero’s journey?
Only we can make that decision, but equally true is that only we are the authors of our own destiny and only we define our success. So, while embarking on a road of self-reflection and healing may seem daunting, no one can do it for us and no one apart from ourselves can determine what our future victory looks like. Only we decide if success means slaying the dragon or taming it. This is our life’s journey and while others may have impacted it only, we decide whether they are tests or the victor.
My Next Mountain
I could probably sit down right now, and name 10 things have gone devastatingly wrong in my life over the last decade, and perhaps some would even examine that list and say, “well no wonder she gave up”. The thing is I don’t want to give up. Throwing in the towel isn’t who I am… sure at times I almost wish it were, especially on my hardest days, but if I did that, then someone else becomes the winner in my story, and for better or worse, I am just a little to stubborn to let that happen.
Many times, I want to succeed purely despite all the negative. Somewhere, in the depths of my soul, there is a tenacious creature who refuses to allow anyone, or anything dictate what she is and is not capable of. Admittedly this tenacious ID can be rather frustrating when the rest of me is battle weary, but give her a few days and while tears may continue to flow and the self-doubt and judgement has yet to cease, the stubborn and tenacious and at times foolhardy part of myself eventually stands up, dusts herself off, looks life in the eyes and says “hold my kombucha”.
This time around is no different. While this latest kick in the teeth may still be still be raw and painful and there are many emotions still to be unpacked, there is a part of me that is refusing to stay down for long. I am not ready to talk about many of the aspects of my latest heartbreak… sometimes I need longer to dissect and analyze and examine it from every angle before I am able to articulate anything; I think it is the Virgo in me. I need to know I have examined the circumstances from every direction, ferreted out every lingering thought, feeling and emotion before I can engage with others in an examination of what went wrong and how I feel about it. So, while there are elements that will be processed and examined, as time progresses there are some things I am very much aware of now.
Prior to this latest life tempest, I have been longing for a simpler life. A return to a more holistic and innocent version of myself and passions. I had thought that the partner I’d chosen wanted to embrace that reality with me but was mistaken. Still, while I may no longer have a partner manifesting alongside me anymore, those goals and intentions need not die with that relationship. At this early stage, while I question whether I will ever want to welcome another attempt at romance and a life partner back into my sphere I can still pursue my desire for a quieter and simpler life.
I may not be able to move out of suburbia and acquire some land, and I may not have a steady source of income at this moment either but there are still some things I can do to advance my desires and intentions. The bigger steps surrounding a new home with more land, a cheaper cost of living and so forth will have to wait but I can at least begin with smaller steps. I can work on certain home skills that I have been wanting to develop. I can paint rooms, plant a garden and purge “stuff” from my home that is not in alignment with the life I want now. I can work on myself continuing the courses I am taking to change careers and start setting intentions to marry my wants with my reality.
With all this in mind, I have decided to give myself a year; a year to live more kindly, a year to live more boldly, a year to practice and learn the things that interest me, a year to live my truth, a year to be my own best friend. I may achieve my goals in less than a year, or I may find that I need more time. What matters most is that I have set a target and am crafting the framework. Over the next few days and weeks, I am going to start by creating my beloved lists!
Like any good Virgo, lists are my mental happy place. Creating lists, identifying what is needed, what priority level to assign things, what additional steps might be necessary and drafting a road map is one way I put the world around me in order. I need to identify what is necessary, what is possible and what would be a bonus along with alternatives. Having these lists allows me to face the world confidently and pivot as needed because I know I have considered life from multiple angles and am prepared even if it is only with the first initial steps for every possibility, that I can then embrace the universe’s impact on my best laid plans and flow with inevitable unforeseen change rather than being overwhelmed and knocked off course because of it. Perhaps others are able to do this fluidly and with far less preparation but in the aspects of planning, analyzing and overthinking I embody my Virgo nature, shall we say, perfectly?
Goals for the Coming Week
Over the next week I am setting the following goals for myself.
- Identify what my dream life truly looks like
- Identify a needs list for my booth at the upcoming Women Powering Change Expo
- Complete my CPE mid-term
- Finalize 4 holistic healing tea blends
- Evaluate, Purge and Reorganize the home library.
These five initial goals may not solve all my current problems or eliminate all my stress, but they should help me feel a sense of control in my little corner of the world. Chaos can cripple us if we let it, but taking even tiny steps to expel chaos will start to send out signals to the universe that we are still clear on our intentions and will not be derailed.
Looking Forward
What about you? What tiny steps can you take in your life this week to signal to the world and more importantly to yourself that you alone determine your success, that you are resilient and will not be deterred by hard times, broken dreams or false love?
Until next time my fellow dreamers, know you are loved, beauty can come from ashes and on today of all days, remember rebirth is possible.
Peace and Love
Tink
